1. When Skype is down, so am I.
  2. Cuckold jokes are timeless thanks to those born old souls.
  3. To be surprised by a showerhead as you turn the tub water on is to be filled with life. The moment of subdued rage may be the best your morning has to offer.
  4. There will come a day when “I’m sorry, that was spoken out of anger” will suffice as apology. It’s because you are no longer surprised by the latent hatred in someone who loves you.
  5. What we really hate in our partners is that we couldn’t possibly do any better.
  6. When Skype for Business is down, it’s nobody’s business.
  7. Beer technically hydrates, so drink a lot when you are sick.
  8. Past passed gas belongs in the annals of history, and nowhere else. Once aired out, all debate over who dealt what and when is but wind.
  9. If you say people shouldn’t judge others, you’re passing judgment on the millions who just want to judge them in peace.
  10. If you can’t do, teach. If you can’t teach, teach Jim. He’s a great listener and you’ll probably learn from him in the end.