1. The prodigal son would not have been so welcome if upon returning he said he was writing a novel about his experiences.
  2. The nesting instinct is natural and healthy if you have enough beer.
  3. If you say “the book is about,” there’s a good chance you didn’t write that book, or if you did, you wrote it poorly.
  4. If you wet your pants at a party, you should dance, like no one’s watching. You already wet yourself like no one is.
  5. Underline all typos you see if you want to feel blood circulate in your sex.
  6. When Pilate brushed his teeth of Jesus, he did not totally absolve himself of sin, his dentist would later notice. He admonished him he should floss more regularly.
  7. The ram Abraham sacrificed was Isaac’s altar ego.
  8. Some assumed typos expose you as someone who doesn’t get it.
  9. If you tell a story and come out the hero, you’ve skipped a long chunk in the middle.
  10. To nail the tone of your Out of Office message, pretend you’re accepting an award.