1. The first rule about weather is it’s awesome.
  2. In a house full of lice, the blind man experiences fewer psychosomatic itches.
  3. Life is long and few things in it worth eating. Still, people enjoy cooking shows.
  4. I have never typed out Nietzsche in under thirty seconds.
  5. If you ever think sex is out of the question, eat a cold pizza.
  6. If at first you don’t succeed, remember you only live once. It’s okay to be quite saddened by reminders of both.
  7. DJs mix metaphors better than anyone. Football coaches are mere yards behind, ready to pass the baton to the next man up.
  8. Don’t just tell a dated joke, be one, or date one.
  9. If you’re very hungry and feel like you could just eat everything, a something bagel will probably suffice. Don’t get greedy.
  10. Snow falls like ash but the world is not on fire.